I'M ALIVE

One thing I had never done before until Saturday night: be rushed to the hospital in an ambulence.

\\ A long entry of my adventure... [mostly for my own sake of rememberence]

Our last performance of Carousel and I'm desperately clinging to every moment as to not forget the anything. I'm leaving everything on the stage dancing my little toes off and smiling because there was truly no where else I'd rather have been. My dance partner Michael and I started our pas de deux strong and energized, in fact his lifts were almost too high they were so high. And then he grabs my ribs with full force and lifts me above his head for my pas de chat and in mid air we hear a *crack* and I feel the most intense excrutiating pain of my life. Uncontrolably I let out a gasp. I know the first few rows had to have known, even though I was masking my face with a half-hearted smile. Thankfully the dancing portion was practically over, but I still had a good 15 minutes of blocking and lines left until the show was over. I tried to channel it to make my crying moments more intense but once I left the stage I was a mess. A hot mess you guys.
The crew was rushing around for ice packs asking if I could go on with the show but I couldn't even focus on what they were saying. I continued to go back on stage and only by the grace of God and my adrenaline rushing did I make it through those last few scenes. After curtain call I was crowded by concerned people but I couldn't seem to breathe. In chaos someone helped me change and I was being examined by the EMS who told me and ambulance was on the way because I probably had a broken rib.
Tears. They would not stop coming! Any comforting word or any horrifying reality by the EMS man [who was the bearer of the worst of the worst news it seemed] did nothing but keep the tears streaming. Especially when they brought a stretcher in to lay me on. I mean you guys, it was probably melodramatic of me, but when I saw them roll that thing in I died a little inside. Everything seemed too much and too scary, but when the pain refreshed from moving me onto that thing I didn't protest. And just seeing all those worried eyes staring at me as they rolled me away into a flashing ambulance did not make me feel better.
Thank the Lord my best friend/roomie Susanne was at the show. She immediately came to me and held my hand the whole night. A friend like a sister, that girl, and has catered to me better than a nurse every day sense.
The ride over seemed an eternity. Every bump was painful. But the doctor kept me distracted by mindless questions and the medicine through the IV started to make my body feel numb. I kept my eyes shut tight almost the entire way, which didn't stop the tears. He stuck an oxygen tube in my nose but it was so stuffy from crying it didn't help a bit. My thoughts were racing but in the same way I couldn't actually complete a thought.
One we arrived they rolled me to my room and started to poke and prod me and had me change into a hospital gown. I went for a few x-rays which didn't show anything so I had to go for more. Christian arrived and my tears started all over again. [The ones you love do that to you somehow right? Just their presence makes you vulnerable all over again].
Then we waited and waited and waited for results... which is normal at a hospital I suppose. Nurses would come in to check on me, make me practice my breathing, and give me more pain medicine. One of the directors came and stayed for a long time to make sure I was ok. And through the hours I began to relax and get drowsy. The medicine made me loopy so anything I did or said kept them all entertained, and they tried to keep me smiling. Around 3:30am they discharged me with a diagnosis of a chest wall contusion, a.k.a sever bruising and/or tearing to the muscles in between my ribs. With a few weeks of rest, and regulated breathing so my lungs don't shrivel, they said I would be fine.

And I will be. I'm in constant pain right now and it really is hard to breathe sometimes, but every day gets better. And I've been overwhelmed with prayer and the comfort of friends and everyone in the show. My spirits are high but my body feels broken. But I've relished the time I have now to rest in the Word and be thankful for the Lord's healing and protection of me, even now.

 A way to end my performing season right? ;)